sometimes you have to edit out the most personal to get your stuff out there and saved on your blog.

Dave Matthews Band
"Where Are You Going"

Where are you going
With your long face pulling down, don’t hide away
Like an ocean that you can’t see but you can smell
And the sound of the waves crash down

I am no superman
I have no reasons for you
And I am no hero, oh, that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be

Where are you going?
Where do you go?

Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?
If along the way
You are grown weary you can rest with me until
A brighter day and you’re ok

I am no superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go is where I want to be

Where are you going?
Where do you go?

Where do you go?
Where are you going?

Where do you go?
I am no superman, I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh, that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Where you are is where I belong

I do know where you go
Is where I want to be.

Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
Where?

Let’s go.

There is a lot of wisdom to this song, as there is in many of D.M.'s lyrics.

Tonight, or rather last night as this is now Sat. early morning, I fell asleep watching Memoirs of a Geisha, and now am wide awake. Once again, I'll have to watch a dvd for a second time to get through it all... but, at least I know it is a good movie from the beginning and ending that I did view.... anyway, I am now awake and that is not a good thing.

I have been teaching a class in rediscovering your creativity, and releasing the blocks that we place on ourselves. As expected, serendipity and sychronicity are heightened when you begin some work like this, and tonight is no exception. I checked the unbearably cute www.weewonderfuls.com site (of which I am addicted) and chased tags to a flikr site photo of a cardinal that was stunning... again, stumbled to the blog owner of the photo and read a post he had mentioned this song. http://www.andrewmoney.com

The first time I heard this song~ and as with Dave's songs the whisper quality when in a car alone can really resonate with me~ I was alone in the car driving back from WalMart on 4th Street. The lyrics, the lines:

"Where are you going
With your long face pulling down, don’t hide away
Like an ocean that you can’t see but you can smell
And the sound of the waves crash down"

Those words put me in an instant state of longing, longing for the beach, the ocean, the life source of all that is intrinsic to my soul. The childhood memories, the depth of who I am as the product of a generation of sea faring families. The deeper meaning of one who "hides away" but does feel, smell, and hear the ocean- LIFE, LOVE, ?? - that I can't see. I remember getting instant "goosebumps", and a feeling of recognition. Yes, the feeling was there, not seen, lives within.

The rest of the song hit me like the poetry of Rumi never fails to do:

Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?
If along the way
You are grown weary you can rest with me until
A brighter day and you’re ok

I am no superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go is where I want to be

To many, it resonates as an ode to a lover... but, as Rumi's poetry is, I took it in another spiritual way. As intrinsically spiritual as I have been my whole life, always searching for answers to
"Who am I?", "why am I here?", "who/what IS God, really?" I have come to a place now in my 30's that God/Jesus/Spirit/Love all is within, a comforting feeling of humility in knowing that I am not all alone in the world, even if I wanted to be.

I truly believe that the answers to all my questions, the solution to all my problems, and the key to happiness... bliss... is really all right inside when I want to go there. I blather on through life, superficially at times and easy-breezy Pollyanna-ish... but the real me within knows that I have survived more wrenching pain in this lifetime than most, but I made it through the doorway to an easier life because I knew that I wasn't alone. What, Jana Banana have heartache?? ((too much to list, and really it's better not all posted in cyberspace anyway)) Like a cat, I have always felt closer to my Source in a patch of sunlight, and in lieu of that, moonlight. It is in that light that I feel closer than ever, that I can pray and be heard. In those moments I am most at peace.

My mother never worried much when I was growing up, her philosophy then and now has always been that "something good always comes" and delights when that philosophy comes to fruition for her. It pleases her to tell me when some new serendipity occurs in her life, the amazing coincidences and synchronicity of the New Age folks have nothing on my Mumma.

Now I wrestle with the new found feelings of wanting to be complete in a committed relationship. Runaway bride commitment phobe that I am, could I actually be ready for this? I have for years blamed that I couldn't, knowing full well that I was constantly choosing to date unavailable people... men that were healing from toxic relationships to other women or alcohol. The "fixer" in me responded, and the "commitment phobic" in me reveled in the fact that these relationships couldn't and wouldn't go anywhere, but I could love and be needed and that was enough for me to handle.

No man knows me as well as the secret one that lives within my soul, the one that comes to me in my dreams, knows all about my spiritual side and poetry of Rumi. The one that everything is so easy, like pouring water from a pitcher to a glass. Communication beyond words. Effortless, easy, peaceful and full of bliss and light.

Perhaps I am numb to the fact that I have a soul mate out there? Is it a man I have already dated? Do I even know what I want? Me, who flips coins to choose between two things all the time? Could it be this song is also a metaphor for my heart, my soul's choices?

Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
Where?