snow

Dad sent me some snow.

((my camera cord to connect to up load photos is MIA, I will do that soon))

Yes, snow.

The funeral home, the funeral, the graveside service, going to his home, spending time with my Mom, my sister and eldest brother, cousins, family, it all went by too quickly

the planes, the airports, it all is so surreal that it all spanned just a few days

I sat on the plane and looked down and heard this song play over and over in my mind:

Such Great Heights (acoustic version by Iron and Wine)   *click to listen

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

and I realize that so much of my life has a soundtrack.

I spoke at Dad's funeral... I had sat on the plane on the way North on Friday and couldn't come up with anything, when miracles of miracles the sun broke from the cloud cover and pulsed through the window directly opposite my seat to my right- so much sun on me that I was blinded... and able to know exactly what to write and how to say it.

My eulogy had to do with one of the few "lessons" my father told me.... when I was young and pulled the boat to shore closer with a rope to tie on a rusty big ring affixed to a rock at the Alliquippa, Dad said, "If you care about your boat, you'd better learn to tie a good knot"

that was the basis of the eulogy... a knot tied too tight will break, one too loose will lose what you hold dear... so, tie your knots of friendship, family, loved ones... because there is no time like the present to love and care for eachother, no better time to call or see a friend or family member.. we must learn to tie good knots. This, amidst lots of tears. The whole room cried when I asked them to remember our other brother, Dwight, as he lives his days in his facility for head injured adults.

I've always said I could be hit by a truck tomorrow, today counts, and never has that been more poignantly realized than this weekend. It is sad to lose a loved one, and hard to say goodbye, but we were so fortunate to see Dad when he still knew us, and he had the luxury of deciding what to do with his estate, and to make his preferences for his funeral arrangements. My ex's husband's father's death by contrast was sudden and unpredicted- he died while having brunch after a workout at the gym. I am not sure which scenario I'd rather have, honestly, other than I would like to live a long, happy life and die in my sleep.

I choose that.

and the snow? I think it symbolizes a cleansing for the past, a whitening, an eraser for a chalkboard of hurt feelings in our family, a chance to start anew.

Rest in Peace, my father.