Thursday, February 22, 2007

Things I love


Celtic Women, need I say more? They are wonderful.
I saw them last night and I still feel like Irish dancing all over
the house, they put on yet another fantastic show.

This chapstick, Vanilla Bonne Bell Lipsmacker, is nirvana to me.
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Yum. Could there be a better snack?

Rings, that taste like onions.

Yum.

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Absolutely the most delicious soda, ever. Especially good
when mixed with Funyuns.
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And no, I didn't hear about it on Oprah, I found it myself, thank you.
But, I am in awe.

not only does it work, it is really pretty amazingly accurate in it's simplistic accuracy.

and it sure made last night magical

Wednesday, February 21, 2007



Mr. Blue www.myspace.com/catherinefeeny
Artist: Catherine Feeny
Album: Hurricane Glass
Year: 2006
Title: Mr. Blue Print
Correct


Mr. Blue,
I told you that I love you
Please believe me

Mr. Blue,
I have to go now, darling
Don't be angry

I know that you're tired
Know that you're sore and sick and sad for some reason
So I leave you with a smile
Kiss you on the cheek
and you will call it treason

That's the way it goes some days
A fever comes at you without a warning
And I can see it in your face
You've been waiting to break since you woke up this morning

Mr. Blue,
Don't hold your head so low
That you can't see the sky

Mr. Blue,
It ain't so long since you were flying high

Mr. Blue,
I told you that I love you
Please believe me

Saturday, February 10, 2007

A family member with a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury)... meet my brother




It’s funny the things you remember about the day you find out a loved one had a traumatic brain injury. For me, that day in the summer of 1987 is misty; what I remember most was that the Hallmark cards I was re-shelving in the card shop where I worked were sympathy cards. “Jana, your brother Dwight has been in a car accident on the Parker Head Road. He is at Maine Med., you need to get there now,” my Aunt Marilyn told me as she walked in, tears streaming down her face. That began my journey with the world of families of TBIs, individuals with Traumatic Brain Injuries.

My fiancĂ© at the time, Shawn, was the first person I called. He drove me to Portland, and when we arrived in the ICU he tearfully warned me not to go in to see him…"that shouldn't be your last memory."

For Shawn had lost his only elder brother in the same fashion years before. His older brother died of traumatic brain injuries in the 70’s after being struck by a drunk driver. I pressed on and went in to see my brother anyhow.

My sweet, gentle older brother Dwight lay on the hospital bed hooked up to a ventilator, IV’s, and had shunts drilled into his skull to relieve the massive swelling of fluid on his brain from his injury. The entire right side of his body was swelling, as he sustained broken bones from his shoulder to his leg. He had been driving to Popham Beach that morning, and had fallen asleep at the wheel.

He was 32 years old at the time, single, and had already been in an awful crash 14 years earlier. In that first crash, he had been in the back seat of a car and was propelled from the back seat through the windshield, crashing face first into the pavement. After months of a wired jaw and bed rest, he began exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia, something he suffered with from that time until this second accident. We have no idea to this day whether this injury caused the disease, or merely sped it up.

Dwight lay in a coma for a few weeks, and during that time my family and I took turns talking to him, reading to him, and, for me, singing his favorite songs. Did it help? Who knows. But, he did come out of the coma, but not like one would see in a perfect television show way. He was like an infant. He drooled, he giggled, he whined, he cried, and he was angry. Words came slowly, and he appeared amazed at simple things like the shadows on the wall. He was transferred from Maine Medical Center to New England Rehabilitation Center, and began the slow road to a new life as a man with TBI.

For those of you who are familiar with brain injuries, they vary tremendously. Some younger patients “bounce” back rapidly, and depending on where the injury was and the severity, can regain all or most of their functions before the injury. The Brain Injury Association of America website lists the following facts:

What is a traumatic brain injury?

A traumatic brain injury (TBI) is defined as a blow or jolt to the head or a penetrating head injury that disrupts the function of the brain. Not all blows or jolts to the head result in a TBI. The severity of such an injury may range from "mild," i.e., a brief change in mental status or consciousness to "severe," i.e., an extended period of unconsciousness or amnesia after the injury. A TBI can result in short or long-term problems with independent function.

How many people have TBI?

Of the 1.4 million who sustain a TBI each year in the United States:
• 50,000 die;
• 235,000 are hospitalized; and
• 1.1 million are treated and released from an emergency department.
The number of people with TBI who are not seen in an emergency department or who receive no care is unknown.


What causes TBI?

The leading causes of TBI are:
• Falls (28%);
• Motor vehicle-traffic crashes (20%);
• Struck by/against (19%); and
• Assaults (11%).
Blasts are a leading cause of TBI for active duty military personnel in war zones.

Who is at highest risk for TBI?
• Males are about 1.5 times as likely as females to sustain a TBI.1
• The two age groups at highest risk for TBI are 0 to 4 year olds and 15 to 19 year olds.1
• Certain military duties (e.g., paratrooper) increase the risk of sustaining a TBI.3
• African Americans have the highest death rate from TBI.1


What are the costs of TBI?


Direct medical costs and indirect costs such as lost productivity of TBI totaled an estimated $56.3 billion in the United States in 1995.

What are the long-term consequences of TBI?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that at least 5.3 million Americans currently have a long-term or lifelong need for help to perform activities of daily living as a result of a TBI.5

According to one study, about 40% of those hospitalized with a TBI had at least one unmet need for services one year after their injury. The most frequent unmet needs were:
• Improving memory and problem solving;
• Managing stress and emotional upsets;
• Controlling one's temper; and
• Improving one's job skills.
TBI can cause a wide range of functional changes affecting thinking, sensation, language, and/or emotions. It can also cause epilepsy and increase the risk for conditions such as Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease, and other brain disorders that become more prevalent with age.

In the years since my brother Dwight’s accident, he moved from Maine to Massachusetts to a head injury facility, and in 1991 back up to Maine in the River Ridge Hospital in Kennebunk. He went through years of behavioral issues… which is common… and cursed like a sailor. They all go through that, even the sweetest of older women. I’ll never forget watching an old man crying in the hall at the facility in Massachusetts, softly saying, “She never spoke an ugly word her whole life. Not ever,” as his brain injured wife cursed from her wheelchair in her room.

Now, Dwight is beginning to age rapidly. He has a sweet temperament, much like he did before his accident. He leans to one side and has lost a lot of strength in his arms, partly from the seizure medication he must be on, and from the severity of the original injuries not healing well. He is happy where he lives, enjoys watching the Red Sox and New England Patriots, and enjoys seeing our mother as she visits every Sunday. He used to come home for occasional weekends and holidays, but cannot do that anymore as he is too difficult to transfer without a special lift.

He speaks really clearly, which is rare for the brain injured population, but his short term memory loss prevents him from really following a lot of conversations. His memory of the past is very clear, however, and appears to be confused when we tell him events that are happening today. He can hold his guitar and find the chords with his fingers, but will say, “I used to be able to play.” The synapses between the left and right hemispheres of his brain that used to tell his fingers how to play are forever damaged- as is his former talent for drawing and watercolor painting. He will hold a pencil, pen, or brush in his hand- only to lay it down slowly, telling you that he “just can’t do that now.”

What about the schizophrenia? Almost unbelievably, the second accident wiped it clean. He no longer is plagued with irrational, paranoid fears, no longer hears voices. Just as an accident seemed to have triggered that disease, a second one took it away. A blessing in disguise, as our mother is fond of saying.

We are fortunate in our family to have such a beautiful, specialized facility that is so tailored for his unique needs. We are grateful that he was able to live through such an awful accident. And above all, we are blessed that this gentle soul has been in our lives to remind us daily how precious life is, and how fragile our human bodies are.

xanadu

Yes, I know it got panned by critics, but I don't care... I love this movie.

Valentine's Day






I just wrote this to someone tonight:

"I have an uncanny ability to find diamonds in the rough, be kind of a muse to them, and when we part they end up marrying happily and/or have great careers. I feel kind of like the good fairy that swoops away to let the magic happen, or sometimes like "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"... it sucks sometimes that I usually end up the one curling up with my pillows at night while all you lovely ex-boyfriends(and one husband) are all happily married with your great jobs..... One of my friends said that it is because I don't LET myself actually fall in love fully with any of them when I, in actuality, could have been happy with any or all of them."

wow, that sounds really conceited.

I am really, really, really hormonal/tired/confused/weepy tonight.

so, I listen to the Weepies and get more weepy.

I love them. I hate them. I love them. They are me sometimes. Most times.

ah.

And then, there are my beloved icons... angels and mermaids.

what are they? untouchable, incapable of human, or sexual love, just within reach but quick to fly or swim away.

what will it take for me to take a chance on love again?

will it be a sudden leap of faith, or a dragging and kicking across the line into loved land?

No amount of psychology classes, no amount of books, nothing really to plan on or do.

Just a bewildered confusion on what it is that makes me flee.

Valentine's Day.....four more days.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Souper Bowl of Caring




The Super Bowl will be aired on CBS this Sunday night, and according to CNN, the infamous "Super Bowl Ads" aired during the game will cost as much as $2.6 million for some 30-second spots CNN money.com

If that makes you feel a little queasy, you can alleviate that feeling with a good old-fashioned remedy.

Soup.

This Sunday, churches in the area will have their youth group members standing in the doorways with large soup pots, collecting canned goods and money for charity as part of The Souper Bowl of Caring This project began more than 15 years ago, inspired by a simple prayer by a single youth group. This has spread to be an international event, and since 1990 has raised more than $33 million for individual charities across the country.

At my church, all proceeds will go to the Soup Kitchen Mission that is manned lovingly by around a dozen churches in town. Other churches also give to this mission, and others choose other worthwhile charities in our area. All the money, particularly in these cold winter months, is appreciated and gratefully accepted.

If you are not currently a member of a church, I encourage/urge/prod/plead with you to consider donating some money today to this worthwhile cause...and then, watch the football game with a smile on your face!

I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,....whenever you did this for one of the least of these followers of mine, you did it for me." Matt 25:35-40

Thursday, February 01, 2007

BOSTON


www.myspace.com/augustana


listen to this song, "Boston"




AUGUSTANA LYRICS

"Boston"

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A time when things were simpler and hearts were not yet jaded

Music overlapped each meeting, like a soundtrack from a great movie

the kind you would watch again

and again

The loud rumble of the Barracuda,
wine coolers and beer bottles, best friends in crazy clothes,
"she has potato chip shaped lips", and skull earrings

Sun shining bright on the Green Wall

the last talk by the pond on campus, Greek tragedies and epic poetry

a hot pink Fender guitar pic and a few photographs remain

to stop the world and melt

after the Challenger explosion and fear of Quaddafi

but before global warming and 9/11 and moves and divorces and new names

Boston

some snow would be nice