The Man With Too Many Children...kinda sorta may be proposing. ???

Okay. The Man With Too Many Children wants to marry me. I think. At least, that is where the conversations are heading. My mind is spinning too fast to really hear all of it. Selling both houses and starting fresh, color coding towels, moving the fish tank last, I am hearing some of it through the rushing of the ocean in my brain as my heart is beating so fast I cannot breathe...aaaaaaaaahhhhh!

Could I be the mom of SEVEN children???? I mean, honestly, I can barely take care of the three I have, and one is away at school!

This week was the "Jana Looks For a Sign" week, and last night The Man With Too Many Children pressed me for an answer.

I was tired from a not-so-great rehearsal, my kids are away in the mountains with their dad and step mother to see their big brother, and I am feeling kinda blue and mopey...so I warned him that tomorrow would be a better time to talk.. but he pressed on for an answer.

So, my Eeyore blue self started off with all the negatives, how hard it'd be, blah blah blah...and he starts in on the nice stuff. Lots of love. Affection. Never a dull moment. And a maid to help.

Wait, back up, did he say a maid? Hmm. A maid? Hell yeah, that'd be good.

Then he started talking about houses. And I am thinking of what to say next, because moving into his house would be so awkward for my kids, his kitchen is dreadful and small, and the yard too small for all the animals, and then he says, "Of course, we would sell both houses and buy a larger home, move in together for a fresh start."

What? The man who is obsessed with and clearly loves his house, willing to sell it??

I was really reeling with confusion. It's hard to keep negative when some positives started coming out, like go to Maine in summer, Texas in winter. Hmmm.

So, now, I don't know. I prayed today in the sanctuary. I sat there all alone in the pew and prayed out loud. For an answer, a message, a sign. Anything.

And I have continued to feel like that. Is is right? Is it wrong? Could it work?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh scared.

This afternoon, he got off work early and invited me over. We sat on his couch, he talked a lot and had his arm around me, kissed my forehead, let me close my eyes and try to relax, and I had to admit I loved the affection, attention, and the love.

But, no sign. No feeling. No white feather falling from the sky. No quarter flipped up on the pavement. No ring placed on my finger. But, he did notice a caterpillar on his tire, and gently removed it and put it near the trees to save it's life. Is that the sign I needed?

held so many people in my suitcase heart.........

"Slow Pony Home" click to hear it The Weepies click to learn more about my latest band obsession

It's the second September I have known you
Four years or so ago, I rode a pony, called him "Truth"
We didn`t know the way so it took us till today to get here

And all that time, I felt just fine
I held so many people in my suitcase heart
That I had to let the whole thing go
It was taken by the wind and snow
And I still didn't know that I was waiting
For a girl on a slow pony home

I can remember when I first saw you
You said in my photograph I looked more far away
I laughed and smiled and didn't say "I am a bit afraid to be here."

Setting free the anchor and looking past the shore
It's a sea of horses on ships with no sails, no motors, no oars

Now we're cleaning the windows between us two
Funny, you do it once, and then again, and pretty soon
the fingerprints and dust...
But I've begun to trust the view here.

"held so many people in my suitcase heart" <- that may well be the most honest thing I've heard in a long while. Not baggage, but people. Sigh.