Buying Cards

Easter cards are on prominent display in the newly revamped Wal Mart in town... I walked over and made my selections. A great one for my Mom, and some really cute Grandma ones... then it hit me.

I won't be buying any Dad or Grandpa cards, ever again.

The tug on my heart was very strong, and even now my eyes are beginning to water.

So much so that when I looked over to the left, the Husband and Sweetheart and Man that I Love cards were blurred.

First season without a card in those sections. Little things like that get to me.

Jade's First Dance

Ah, the baby girl is growing up! Going to a dance and choosing her own dresses... how adorable is she in the dress that she chose? After trying on tons of dresses...proclaiming most of them as "hoochie", she opted for this lovely sage dress. She decided she'd rather have a short one so she could wear flats- this kid is way more practical than I ever was at her age! We curled her long hair with hot rollers, she has cool rhinestone earrings and necklace, and her date, Cole, forgot to bring her corsage...and his jacket... so I don't have a photo with their corsage/boutonnière on... but I am sure they looked even cuter. She is still at the dance, and will go to Midnight Bowling with a group of kids after... really a fun night after a whole week of stressing over it.

Goodness, can she really be 14? And will she really be 15 this July? Where has the time gone? When did she get so tall? She's always been beautiful, so that is no surprise...but, is she really already this old?

For you , young lady, I hope and pray that you will retain the sweet spirit you have now. The way you cheer your friends up, the way you call people out when they are gossiping or being mean to someone, the way you laugh and turn things from a negative to a positive. I hope and pray that you will continue to keep that good head on your shoulders, always trust your intuition, and never be too grown up to "act like a kid". You are a wonderful daughter, and I am so very proud you are mine.

love,
Mama

found it!

Ah, best love scene in a movie I've seen this year (best song, too!)

Table for one, One season pass, One round trip airfare

How do you feel when somebody you once loved moves on? Especially somebody that you really loved, and honestly want to move on and be happy?

You feel like a selfish, bad person if you allow yourself to feel any regret, or sadness. But, you do. And you should. Or, at least, if you have a heart that remains wide open like mine, it'll be odd if you didn't feel something. And feel, oh, feel, I do.

And yes, I want them to be happy and to find true love and to marry. I do, I really do. And I am glad for them, and glad for the women that love them and are happy to marry them.

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am sad that I wished that the time I spent with them had created such magic that I would be the one that they could not live without.

But, I have been told that I have all but pushed each guy away with a mack truck.

I cannot lie and say that I long for the day that the right one comes along and catches me from running and holds me tight and says, "You are the one for me, I want to marry you, we will be married, and we will be together forever and ever." And I will know it to be true, I will not be afraid, and at long last I will be able to let my guard down and trust that I won't be hurt again.

Until then, I will fill my days and nights with trying to be as positive as I can, and as Wesley says:

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can. "
John Wesley 1703-1791

Wack Dream

Damn, did I ever have a TylenolPM induced strange dream last night!

First off, I was back with my ex-husband, and I was pregnant with my fourth child. Mind you, we have three children that are now 18, almost 16, and 14, so that'd be a miracle in itself, let alone the mere thought of us ever, ever getting back together..... but, there were Tylenol pms ingested presleep, so...

we were in a house, and there were a ton of workers there spreading loam and laying down sod in the front yard, and some kind of construction in the back too. There were tons of workers there, and they had families with them. I thought to myself, we have so many people just standing around with nothing to do, wouldn't it be great if they could play some football?

and "boom" from the sky, a cloud opened up and down came a football. The kids were all clamoring around, and thought me to be magical, and started asking for candy and toys, and I laughed and asked out loud and

"boom" a cloud opened again and down from the sky floated candy and toys, drifting slowly not hurling to the ground hurting anyone, just gently floating into their eager hands. And with it, juice boxes of all things...what the heck?? I can conjure up stuff and the best I ask for is juiceboxes??

It went on a bit longer, and then I went to the phone and called my father.

mind you, my father died in January; in the dream, I told someone that even though he was dead, for some reason when I dial his phone number he answers and I can talk to him. And I know he is dead, but it does not phase me one bit.

how the heck do I analyze that? I want another child, yes, actually. I want to be married and cared for, yes, I suppose... but not to Shawn again, but maybe he was a metaphor for another man? And asking and getting what I want, from the principles in the Secret book? and Bible Quote, "ask and ye shall receive"? The ability to call my deceased father...well, in some kind of Sylvia Browne sleep phase, perhaps I could actually call and talk to Dad.

Hmm, shall I try to sleep normally tonight or take a chance on a repeat visit from the DreamWeavers??

stranger than fiction- must see

Will Farrell, you totally made me fall in love with this character Harold Crick.

Watch the movie if you haven't already, and see if you agree... lovely. Of course, pretty near anything that Emma Thompson decides to be in will be wonderful, and this was no exception.

Ah, the quiet, methodical, boring life of an IRS Auditor... interrupted by a voice narrating his life, meets a bohemian baker- played by Maggie Gyllenhaal- with tattoos and a smart mouth. I adored it.

My favorite scene was when Harold goes up to the bohemian baker's apartment; he is both charmingly awkward and shy, and when he notices her guitar, she asks him to play for her. He says he knows one song, but cannot play, and she smiles and goes back to finishing up dishes...and then she hears him.

He sits on her couch, strums the guitar, and with his eyes shut softly croons, "Whole Wide World" by the Monkees. Softly, slowly, and achingly sweetly he plays and sings.

She walks in, takes his face in her hands, kisses him, and then straddles him on the couch....of course he is too shy to even move the damn guitar and then the song goes into a crescendo of the song done by Wreckless Eric... love it, love it, love it!!! I had to find the song, and I did, on myspace.... hopefully it'll stay up a while... click on this: Whole Wide World

I've been singing that song all week since I saw the movie.

Back to the movie... I did truly love it. No spoilers here, but there is a touching scene where Will Farrell cries and I think it was one of the best most honest side of him I have ever seen.

and heck, anyone that can make me remotely attracted to an IRS Auditor deserves 5 stars.

Viva La Quiet Man!

great muses, come to me while I sleep.........

I am uninspired

tired

bored

ready to sleep

I miss my artwork, I miss writing fiction, I miss my creativity...

is it the Claritin D? is it lack of sleep? lack of vitamins? stress from lack of money?

just got tax check, just got paid... c'mon over, creativity, woman been missin' you bad.

I almost bought another freaking puppy today... what the hell, right? why must I substitute being creative with loving another living breathing thing? why cannot I just take some time for myself, just grab some time and do what I love to do.

phssh.

whine, complain, yawn.

turn it around.... I am grateful for my busy life, and my zillion things I do and the furry animals I already own and love, and my awesome children, family and friends... and to tell you the truth, I think I am getting out of my Cancerian shell....it's been winter, I lost my dad, almost lost my brother, and me being all cocooned was probably the best gift I gave myself. BUT I do need to get my creativity back. Do you hear that, guardian angels? please help me find my mojo!

Lovely movie, cool video

Jim Croce, a beautiful man