Gay Marriage

I'm not gay, but I have friends that I love that are.

I have nothing against hardly anyone, no prejudices to speak of. My mother raised me to believe that there is no difference between any color skin, ethnicity, religion or socioeconomic status.

But, there is one group that I have a problem with, and it is bigots. Whether it is a group that hates a certain minority, religion, or lifestyle, I have a hard time being patient with them.

So, hence the people that support the S.C. Marriage Amendment. Read more here: Hartsville Today

I put myself out there on this one, but felt that if I didn't, I'd never forgive myself. I do not negate the poster's right to post, but I do have a problem with the whole debate. To me, to deny anyone the right to live they way they choose, and to have a ceremony and relationship that affords them all the rights that straight people have, is un-American. Especially when it comes to choosing to be monogomous, isn't that what conservatives would rather everyone do? Pair up, stay with one partner, be faithful?

Homophobia mystifies me, it is like the last group to hate. My dear gay friend laments, and says that this type of legislation is what keeps people in the closet or makes them drink themselves to death.

Ah, it is tough being blue in a red state.

Praying

My youth group kids had a Disciple Now weekend kickoff last night at a local Baptist church. ((it goes without saying that Southern Baptist is radically different from the "Maine" Baptists, but I perservere)) It's a neat concept, an Interfaith Experience with all the youth groups in town meeting for fellowship, mission projects, and fun. The other youth group leaders and I have bonded, and I think that since the kids go to school together and are friends with everyone, why the separate islands?? It's nice to get together.

So, last night the speaker got in from Nashville TN and got up to talk. He is young, about late 20's early 30's, dressed in jeans and an untucked white button up shirt, sleeves undone and flapping as he spoke, hair a bit gelled and spiky, tousled and looking "cool". He started talking, and the kids were rustling and some not paying attention...then, he got them. It was amazing. He really connected with them, and started talking about how God is not a tired counselor, a bored listener, and always has time for them. That no prayer is insignificant, no conversation with him unheard. If he knows every hair on your head and your name before you were born, he knows you, and wants to hear from you. Quite a concept for some of these kids that were taught not to bother God with little stuff because he is busy with the big stuff.

I, myself, pray outloud a lot. I feel closer to God when I am outside, especially in the sunshine or the moonlight. Or, just sitting up in the middle of my bed, cross-legged, in the middle of the night, just talking. I have even had what some mystics refer to as rapturous moments, but, after studying the release of certain chemicals in the brain that are pleasurable when in moments of deep meditation, I suppose it was more of a brain feeling than being touched by the spirit or an angel.. but, hey, I didn't knock it. I have only told a few people about the sensation, it has only happened a few times, but when it did, it was amazing. As if you don't dare to breathe nor exhale...it is like a warm cloud of soft electricity embracing your every cell. Just amazing. Better than an orgasm, better than a good buzz from a great bottle of wine, just this overwhelming feeling of contentment and pleasure. Really wild stuff, and I had previously thought it a bunch of silliness.... until it actually happened to me.

The first time, I was berefit...had a kid that was going through a lot of struggle, all alone a 1000 miles from home, and an ex-husband too wrapped up in his golf game and his new wife to help. I sat up in my bed, pitch black at night, and prayed outloud. And talked, and pleaded, and begged God to get off his ass and help me. Then I started to be thankful for what WAS good, and what was going well. I listed everyone and everything I was grateful for. I prayed for everyone I could think of, to nations to family, and just prayed like there was no end to prayer. Then, that indescribable feeling. I was overwhelmed, and scared, but then peaceful. And, then, I got it. What Rumi wrote about centuries before, and mystics after. There are studies and I can't recall them now, but actual physiological and psychological studies about this phenomena and it is tied to a place in the brain that releases endorphins much like what happens when people run and "hit the wall", that rush that flows over a runner's body that is pleasurable and allows them that extra oomph to run more.

So, I watch these kids. I know that probably half have tried alcohol and pot, and many more will in the future. What if someone could talk them into trying to get this natural high? How wild would that be. Instead of the moronic kids huffing inhalants, getting into trouble for DUI's and possession of pot, what if they all sat around in ashrams and meditated and prayed to get this kind of free, healthy high? I used to roll my eyes at the concerts of Christian Rock bands, and think that it was ridiculous...but, now that I am more in touch with the Christian side vs. the Spiritual side, is there really something that we intrinsically need as humans?

I have a dear friend going through alcohol addiction, and he says that you absolutely cannot quit without a deep spiritual commitment.

with so few people today taking religion seriously these days, it makes you wonder. Not so much the dogma, the "give us your money and you'll be saved"..but the old fashioned, sit home and be still.... pray... spend time just talking to the ultimate source of all live, which I feel, is simply LOVE. Love, the love for all sentient beings (buddha) Love for all (Jesus) Love of parents, friends, family, the pet and the ant on the sidewalk. Just as the Beatles sang, all you need is love.

so, if you happen upon this post today, it is my wish that you go find a great quiet place each day to just be still and pray. and that you will someday feel that cool feeling, and realize that whether there is just one central energy source that created all of us of if it just happened, there is power and energy in prayer and it will certainly help you and never hurt you. So, pray.

passing afternoon.

Passing Afternoon

by

Iron & Wine


There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children 'till she let's them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling 'round the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the windows closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes and they'll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

here it here: www.myspace.com/ironandwine

I can't even begin to say how much this song resonates with me. It is like this man took my diary. Especially the third stanza;

"And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds"

Catharsis, I know, it's just more catharsis. Why can't I ever be over this. Did I keep so busy that I never got to feel it enough to get over? What more can I do. Yes, there is a baby in my bones that is still so scared to be left alone. I hate that this song did this to me this morning. But maybe this is just what I needed to hear, to read, to feel... precisely at this time, this morning, this moment.

NICK DRAKE

Northern Sky Lyrics

Album: Way To Blue



I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky.

I've been a long time that I'm waiting
Been a long that I'm blown
I've been a long time that I've wandered
Through the people I have known
Oh, if you would and you could
Straighten my new mind's eye.


Would you love me for my money
Would you love me for my head
Would you love me through the winter
Would you love me 'til I'm dead
Oh, if you would and you could
Come blow your horn on high.

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky.

Here it here

why do we blog and/or post?

Have you ever looked at www.43things.com? well, go ahead and look.

Its a site all about listing what you want to do, giving yourself time limits /goals to complete them; pretty neat, right?.

But, really weird reading while you are there, however.... you can be such a voyeur, the posters put more on there than the average blogger.

which leads me to think: between this site, www.postsecret.com, MySpace, blogs like these, why are we so ready to put our "stuff" out there for strangers to read...yet, we rarely open up with the people that we love and love us?

It's that whole discussion explored in the film "Crash"-Quotes:

Graham: "It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

Do we in fact live so far beyond deep, meaningful conversation that we are compelled to share our thoughts in any way possible? Do we long and need to open up our heart and our thoughts on such a deep level that this anonymous "look into the closet of my soul" is what keeps us going?

Case in point, the man I dated for several years was hurt, shocked and surprised when he read this blog. I felt the same when I read his. And this is someone that I have talked to on the phone almost daily for 3-4 years. Like we would have anything the other didn't know about? Yet, we did. And do.

Maybe we want to be be private, but with all the mediums that are available to us for free, 24 hours a day, the channel to let our thoughts out. Because a stranger won't judge. Unless you are a "found" blogger, and suffer the wrath of judging from perfect strangers. Which, strangely, is still better than being critiqued from someone we care for.

Well, maybe this song is the greatest song ever

Thunder Road

Bruce Springsteen


The screen door slams
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me

You can hide 'neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a savior to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road, sit tight take hold
Thunder Road

Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
>From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets

They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind, so Mary climb in
It's a town full of losers
And I'm pulling out of here to win.

greatest song ever

The Psychedelic Furs

Pretty in Pink


Caroline laughs and
It's raining all day
She loves to be one of the girls
She lives in the place
In the side of our lives
Where nothing is
Ever put straight
She turns herself round
And she smiles and she says
'This is it'

'That's the end of the joke'
And loses herself
In her dreaming and sleep
And her lovers walk
Through in their coats

Pretty in pink
Isn't she?
Pretty in pink
Isn't she?

All of her lovers
All talk of her notes
And the flowers
That they never sent
And wasn't she easy
And isn't she
Pretty in pink
The one who insists
He was first in the line
Is the last to
Remember her name
He's walking around
In this dress
That she wore
She is gone
But the joke's the same

Pretty in pink
Isn't she?
Pretty in pink
Isn't she?

Caroline talks to you
Softly sometimes
She says
'I love you' and
'Too much'
She doesn't have anything
You want to steal
Well
Nothing you can touch
She waves
She buttons your shirt
The traffic
Is waiting outside
She hands you this coat
She gives you her clothes
These cars collide

Pretty in pink
Isn't she?
Pretty in pink
Isn't she?

now listen to it here:


http://www.myspace.com/dahustler1

Anauel for August

Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)

Hard and durable on the outside, soft and vulnerable on the inside, Cancer natives are ruled by the Moon who just recently has put on a new face in the sign of Leo and in the House of Possessions. Some fear or wound in the House of Regeneration is causing you spend more than you can afford, in other words, to become extravagant in order to mask your fears and to boost your lagging self-confidence. This kind of thing never pays off. As you develop wisdom, you will see that you are perfect in the moment. Grasping after tenuous future goals, or hanging onto limiting beliefs and habits causes you to miss the infinite joy and light that is available to you Now. During the month of August, you should call forth the many blessings of Anauel, the Angel of Prosperity. Ask her to help you find the Wisdom to recognize the abundance and prosperity that is flowing into your life, right now.

Guardian Angels DOMINION: Anauel offers success and prosperity. She offers us the ability to produce wealth and inspires us to share that wealth with other people.

GUIDANCE: Angel of Prosperity

SAMPLE AFFIRMATION: Success and financial rewards are flowing toward me in abundant currents.

SAMPLE PRAYER: Angel of Prosperity, I call on your Divine inspiration and guidance to assist me in calling my success directly into me life. Help me gain the wisdom I require to see this success and prosperity right now.

Through Jesus Christ's Precious, Pure and Holy name I pray. - Amen

another darn survey

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


Tina's New Survey, cause she knew I'd cut and paste it
Current mood: sleepy

1. What does your MySpace quote mean?
"Just making my little corner of the world a little brighter...."
well, it's the whole bloom where you are planted philosophy. Kinda Pollyanna-esque, but honestly, what more can you do on this planet except try to make your little corner a little better, a little happier, a little brighter. Beats watching CNN and being sad, anyway.

2. Elaborate on your default photo:
Jade took it after she made me laugh. I like it because there was a flash, candlelight, it was summer and I was laughing.

3. Who is the first person on your top 8?
Jack Johnson. I love him. I would so make him banana pancakes, but, he is married so no banana pancakes for him.

4. What's your relationship with the people in your top 8?

Jack Johnson- I paint to his music
Dave Matthews Band- I have fallen in love to his music
Coldplay- Only band to write a decent song about green eyes, and Fix You is great
Regina Spektor- way cool girl, I think I'll invite her over to sing for her supper
Chris Rice- best of the Christian Rock singers ever, Lemonade and When Did You Fall In Love With Me make me smile
Rachel Yamagata- Ah, sang the song at the end of Prime that made me cry, "I Wish You Love"
Van Morrison- Grew up loving him, dated a man that has everything he ever recorded so he will always be a special singer to me
Yoda- I am a Star Wars freak

and the real reason that I know none of these people? Too much pressure to fill up top 8 when I love my real people all so much!


5. What exactly are you wearing?
orange shirt, grey shorts

6. What is your current problem?
I painted the trim, doors to the pantry, dining room, and the pocket doors to the living room... all in the kitchen... I painted them..... oh, I am ashamed to admit it... I painted over the pukey taupe that's been there forever with... Bougenvallia. spelling?? I painted it a hideous hot pink color that looked like a nice wine shade in the store. My inspiration was from a neat print of huge reddish grapes carried away by handsome Italians.
My favorite quotes on the color, in order:
"Looks like a Valentine threw up in here."
"It's hot pink, not red, not wine, nothing but hot freaking pink"
"It's ...exciting... like, 'oh, let's eat! let's eat breakfast!'...kind of exciting"
"Why, Jana, why??"

7. What do you love most?
hugging the people that I love

8. What makes you most happy?
my loved ones when they are happy make me the happiest
that and kittens and puppies and babies and sunshine and the moon and etc.

9. Are you musically inclined?
Inclined, define inclined? I have the inclination to be a wonderful musician, but, alas, not playing the flute in 20 years isn't a good sign.

10. Which shoe goes on first?
I jump into these flipflops simultaneously like a ninja warrior!

11. If you could go back in time, and change something....
no wayyyy, I saw the butterfly effect, not gonna do it, noooo waaayyyyy

12. Ever have a near death experience?
I thought I was drowning in a hotel pool when I was little, lots of staring up at the sun above while scared to death of swallowing water, pretty scary but not too close to death I don't think.

14. Name an obvious quality you have
indecisive..not a quality, but it's sure obvious

15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"Puttin' On the Ritz"...Young Frankenstein was on tonight

16. Any celeb you would marry?
Matthew McConnaghay, John Cusak, the guy from Northern Exposure, Patrick Dempsey "Dr. McDreamy"

17. Who will cut and paste this first?
well, definately not a male, but maybe

18. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Carlos Santana

19. Do you have a crush on someone?
yes

20. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
No, but senior year of high school Brian Stanton, Ben Spike and I took a piece of the Junior Class' Homecoming Float and put it on top of an outdoor light on the new wing of our high school... our school rivals came by later that night and took it and ran it up their flagpole...we never got blamed (although no one believed I was with them, I was... I really was!!!)

21. Been in a fight?
I try to avoid fights, conflict scares me.

22. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Only if I am standing behind some taller folks in a chorus.

23. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Smile, eyes, hands

24. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Never been to one, ever.

25. is missing so Tina said to make something up....
Describe your favorite ring?
My moonstone ring, an oval moonstone set in silver

26.Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Yes. Watching the Notebook.

27. Say something totally random about you?
I do a big project that I shouldn't every single August. See number 6.

28. How old are you?
39 years 25 days 45 minutes

29. Do you wear a watch?
Yes, silver timex indiglo. I check that watch way too much.

30. Do you have anything pierced?
Ears, but I am allergic to almost every alloy so I rarely wear earrings.


31. Do you have any tattoos?
No, I donate that money to my gas tank's "Feed Me" fund.

32. Do you like pain?
No, but it's true that kids are better than kidney stones.

33. Do you like to shop?
Only bits at a time, crowds drain me.

34. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Dasani

35. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?
No CC, only debit

36. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My mommy.

37. What is on your desktop background?
A Beck cd cover that my kid put on, green with graffiti and little round men

38. Do you like redheads?
yup, yup, yup, ever since my first boyfriend Jimmy.

39. Do you know any twins?
no

40. Do you have any weird relatives?
weirdest are my ex's relatives, but hey, they aren't blood....

41. What was the last movie you watched?
watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" again on Saturday

42. What was the last book you read?
Year of Yes. (hated it)

43. Did you or do you go to college?
Yes. Four of them. Graduated from One.

44. What is your favorite pair of pants that you own?
my black painty pants

45. What is your favorite day of the week?
Thursday

life is a bowl of quotes

Two quotes, both from the amazing Iyanla Vanzant:

"You don't get what you ask for, you get what you believe."

"Your life speaks to you. You have to learn to listen."

survey I took on Sunday morn, August 6th

Amelia's Survey
Current mood: awake
Category: Quiz/Survey

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?
Ah, too much to say this early in the morning.
2. When was the last time you shaved?
Every morning.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Getting ready for church.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Checking my e-mail.
5. Are you any good at math?
Definately NOT. Thankfully my kids take after their Papa!
6. Your prom night?
Was so fun! My date, Brian Stanton, was kind of a jerk and kept flirting with Debbie Dodge, so we shook hands and parted ways half way through.... ended up hanging out with all my oldest friends from kindergarten/neighborhood and went to Popham Beach to climb the fence and run around the Fort, and later built a bonfire on the beach til dawn.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Not sure, but my married last name is traced back to the famous poet...
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
Oh, my, yes.
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
yes.
10. Last thing received in the mail?
Bills
11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
just coffee so far
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
rarely, I usually just call back later
13. What was your first concert?
J. Geils Band..... 8th grade... remember "Freeze Frame" and "Angel is a Centerfold"? George Pushard drove a carload of girls + Jimmy Lydon....I am surprised that my Mom let me go to this day.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
yes. and make mermaid sculptures every single time.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
a filling
16. What is out your back door?
Golfers, dogs, sandtrap, crepe myrtles, trampoline, too-tall grass
17. Any plans for Friday night?
no...
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Yes. It turns it into salty dreadlocks
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
Yes. The cheese in that one section must be toxic because it dyes your fingers orange!
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yes, at Bentley College, Waltham Mass. I haven't been to the one at Francis Marion yet but I really want to.
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
No. Never. That is why I do so much laundry.
22. Some things you are excited about?
new season of Project Runway, yayyyy!!!!
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
It is made from gelatin, which comes from animal bones, so, it is yucky to me, but I secretly try to forget that and sometimes eat it if it is orange and try to forget it is made from a
slaughterhouse byproduct. Ah, the guilt.
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No. Grammy died at 96 when I was 13. I miss her.
25. Describe your keychain.
I carry around two, one with just my carkeys and work keys, one with everything else on it that is too heavy for my ignition.
26. Where do you keep your change?
In little mason jars, one for each coin, and when I am broke they are dumped into the coin counter at BiLo.
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Every Sunday!
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
L.L. Bean, naturally. WAIT A MINUTE.. I gave that coat to Dirk. I don't have a winter coat now, darn~!
29. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
Rainy, we had to have it inside at the Bath Jr. High gymnasium and only had tickets for 8 people.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Open, unless there are cats inside then I shut it because we have crazy cats that prefer to sleep RIGHT ON TOP of you which is an AWFUL way to wake up! : )

someday this will be republished in Cosmo or People magazine.... because I'll be that famous...cheah, oh-kay?

sometimes a song on the radio makes me cry

Landslide Fleetwood Mac lyrics
Artist: Fleetwood Mac
Album: The Very Best Of
Year: 2002
Title: Landslide Print
Correct


(Stevie Nicks)

I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know
Well I've been afraid of changin'
because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too....
So, take my love...take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
and if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills...
well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down

Pablo Neruda, poet of love for the good of my soul

Pablo Neruda
(1904-1973)























Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.




XVII (I do not love you...)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

will try to figure this one out LATER when I have something they call TIME

Okay, let's see how it's done...

First, the HTML I used for my cheap trick -- you should be able to copy and paste this to your blog:

width="75"
height="100"
border="0"
src="http://nonaknits.typepad.com/image1.jpg"
onmouseover="this.src='http://nonaknits.typepad.com/image2.jpg' "
onmouseout="this.src='http://nonaknits.typepad.com/image1.jpg' " />

Want to give it a try? Here's how:

1. Write your blog entry. At the spot where you want to add your photo trick, simply type "Photo Trick Here".
2.

Decide what 2 photos you want to use, crop them to the same size, and upload them to your blog.
3.

Edit the HTML for your blog entry. In TypePad this is very easy to do, simply click the "Edit HTML" tab. Hopefully your blog authoring tool also has an easy way to edit your HTML.
4.

Find the "Photo Trick Here" text that you added in Step 1 and replace it with the HTML I've given you above -- good old copy and paste should do just fine.
5.

Tweak this copied HTML based on your photos. You'll need to change:

* width - replace my width, 75, with the width of your photos
*

height - replace my height, 100, with the height of your photos
*

src - replace my URL, http://nonaknits.typepad.com/image1.jpg, with the URL for your first photo. This is the photo you'll see when your entry is initially displayed.
*

onmouseover - replace my URL, http://nonaknits.typepad.com/image2.jpg, with the URL for your second photo. When your mouse moves over the image, the image will change to this photo. Important: be sure to keep the "this.src=' before the URL and ' " after the URL.
*

onmouseout - replace my URL, http://nonaknits.typepad.com/image1.jpg, with the URL for your original, first photo. When your mouse moves out of the image, the image will change back to this photo. Important: be sure to keep the "this.src=' before the URL and ' " after the URL.

That should do it! I look forward to seeing your photo tricks...

best photo ever found on the web on a random July evening

If this doesn't make you laugh, well, you need to laugh more.

This is why I smile so much

These are the people that I love more than anything!
Even at 8:00am on a Sunday morning, these fantastic, handsome, beautiful humans
have the ability to make my eyes fill with love at the very sight of them.

SIGH

39

I am now 39. Nine years ago, as I turned 30, my world turned upside down. Ass over teakettle upside down. That birthday, my ex-husband forgot my birthday, took the kids to BiLo and got a carrot cake for me, and a large bristled toothbrush with a plastic hook hanger to hang on my mirror on my side of the double sink. He got one for him, too. Then, a few weeks later, I learned that he needed freedom. And wanted me to stay down here so he could be near the kids.... meaning that I would be all alone 1000 miles away from my family. That was my welcome to the thirty-something club.

Funny thing was, it was like a pineapple upside down cake, that life changing summer, because it set me free. Free from a marriage that was sad and unhappy, free for me to find the Jana I had lost, and free to find true love.

I used to think that you needed to find ONE TRUE LOVE, end of story, happily ever after, The End. But, you know what? That may happen, but rarely. More often that not, you find a few people that you fall in love with, and you learn from them, and when you part you can leave as friends and be thankful for the wisdom they gave you. Since Shawn, I have dated a few fellas. And, I loved them all. Not just a little bit, either. Truly, madly, deeply loved them all. I didn't want to marry all of them, but I loved them just the same. Some taught me how to cry, some taught me how to laugh. Some taught me how to fix stuff, and some how to cook better. Three sang to me. One wrote me a song. Two gave me watches. Three gave me necklaces. One wanted me to have a baby with him, well, technically two but one of them was a joke. A few wanted to marry me. Two of them broke my heart again, but that time I recovered better than with Shawn. Three were good kissers. One took me to watch meteors. Two took me on moonlit swims. My kids loved one of them. All cared for me and helped me regain my confidence, and helped me to be as strong as I was before the marriage.

So, now that I am in the magical last year of this decade of my life, what does life hold in store for me? Will I continue to be single? Will I meet the man that I shall marry? There is a part of me that wants to belong to someone, to close my eyes and just let down my guard and allow love to find me. I fully admit that I have put up a block to prevent true love to find me.... in fact, I have subconciously (or perhaps consciously?) even chosen to date unavailable men. I choose the men that sought me out for my empathy, and my ability to help "fix" them. All had sad stories of alcohol addiction, or failed relationships or marriages. I clearly remember the conversation I had with my dearest male friend when I had that epiphany... just like the twangy country song, I had become a "Sucker for a Fixer Upper Man"

This birthday was different. I had a yummy cake delivered by a trio of children at my church for a surprise birthday party for the Wednesday Morning Play Day, and on my real birthday all the members of the week-long Full Church Bible School serenaded me.. then, the teenagers and the little children and I had our finale outside with green slime, chocolate pudding, chocolate syrup, whipped cream and more. It was fun, it was messy, the heat went away with the cool garden hose, and failed marriages and broken hearts were the last things on my mind. A mom asked, "Is that how you wanted to spend your birthday?"

and of course, I said, "YES!"

Later that night, after the goop was washed out of my hair and a storm raged outside, I met some friends uptown for a drink, then over to Tina's house for a glass of my birthday wine from Andy. Life is good. Life is very good. Man, no man, husband, single, all I know is that I have great kids, great family, great friends, great jobs, great house, and a happy future ahead of me.

39 will be a very good year.

Song the day you were born....

What song was at the top of the charts on your birthday? Go here to find out:

http://www.thisdayinmusic.com/member/birthdayno1.php

I did this, and for the US charts, the number 1 song in the land was"Windy"-by the Association.

In England, the song was: "All You Need is Love"-by the Beatles

Wow, that is pretty weird... both of these songs are pretty much my philosophy of life. These are the lyrics:

THE ASSOCIATION lyrics - "Windy"


(Ruthann Friedman)

Who's peekin' out from under a stairway
Calling a name that's lighter than air
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow
Everyone knows it's Windy

Who's tripping down the streets of the city
Smilin' at everybody she sees
Who's reachin' out to capture a moment
Everyone knows it's Windy

And Windy has stor-my eyes
That flash at the sound of lies
And Windy has wings to fly
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds)

[Flute]

And Windy has stor-my eyes
That flash at the sound of lies
And Windy has wings to fly
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds)

Who's tripping down the streets of the city
Smilin' at everybody she sees
Who's reachin' out to capture a moment
Everyone knows it's Windy
[Repeat And fade]


((even a flute to boot!))

The other song the day I was born:

All You Need Is Love
The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)


Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Be Creative

"I believe that artists are healers. Everytime an artist finishes
a work they care for, evil loses a small piece of its power. We
live in a lost time, so it is every artists responsibility to
contribute their own piece to the light, that will hopefully
someday dawn upon the human race."

::: Gabriel Shaffer :::


Ah, I love this quote! It was in my e-mail box this morning, I subscribe to www.artquotes.net

doesn't it make you THINK? Be it music, visual art, theater, literature, gardening, cooking...when you create something that means something, something you are proud of = good, positive energy.

More of it, the negative, bad, sad, etc. stuff gets pushed back some. Think of when you pass a pretty sight, how it makes you feel.

so, get out there today and make some positive energy for us all!

1000 miles from home.....

I will spend the 4th here in SC, not Maine. Not Bath. No Heritage Days for us this year. My heart is heavy with the thought of it. Finances just won't support it right now, and although I know this is the right thing to do, it doesn't make it any less painful.

We have been here for the 4th before, and have been okay. There is even a chance we can still go this summer, maybe later this month. But, in all probability, we will not go to Maine until Christmas, and then we are at the whim of the weather. My mom is so disappointed, it's breaking my heart. It's so hard being so far away.