Staying Single
My kids, my three biological ones and my hundreds of other-people’s-kids, keep me pretty busy. As does my job, community theater, the time I spend reading books, playing on the internet researching useless facts like “what really happened to Nikolai Tesla?”, and boring readers on HartsvilleToday. So very busy, that ten years have gone by and apparently... I forgot to get re-married.
To some of my friends, that is quite perplexing.
“You seem to do everything for your children, and don’t take time for yourself.”
“You don’t want to be sitting on the front porch all alone in the rocking chair, do you?”
“Since you have been divorced, other people have remarried twice! Get with it, sister!”
“Jana, there is no such thing as an “organic farmer/novelist/chef/loves to wash dishes/hiker/world traveler/guitar playing/Red Sox Season Ticket Holder/social activist/singer/Rumi & Neruda quoting/salsa dancing/log cabin builder/computer genius/saint who will put up with you” out there!”
“You mess up the seating plans if you don’t bring a husband, darling.”
Oy, vey.
Reasons to not get remarried and stay single forever:
1. Closet space! One whole closet just for shirts and pants, another one just for skirts, dresses, and old costumes. Color coordinated!
2. Books! Books in the bed! When you are single, you are free to read seven books simultaneously; when you are bored with one book, pile it next to you in the spacious queen sized bed and pick up another.
3. Cupboard doors wide open?- that is A-O. K.! My ex-husband, bless his heart, used to come home from work and have to “thwack”- “thwack”- “thwack!” all the cupboard doors closed in the kitchen because I lack the gene that realizes they should be shut and not left wide open while cooking.
4. Driving, driving, driving! Remaining a single woman means that I always get to drive- because, generally, humans of the male persuasion tend to want to drive just as much as I want to drive. And….I….love….to…..drive….especially on the highway. Especially on the highway in NC when you can drive even faster. No husband=no sharing driving privileges.
5. Crying for no apparent reason for 12 days a year…no, wait, make that 24 days a year….without having to explain that it is truly for no apparent reason at all other than the fact that enormous amounts of chick-hormones are zapping through my “Cry During Grey’s Anatomy” portion of my brain.
6. Allowing people that I do not even know to lose money on bets on “When Will She (Ever) Re-Marry??”. Sorry, but it’s just not nice to bet on that anyway, so, I am glad you lost that money.
7. Insomnia – it can be fun! Remaining single allows me the amazing ability to roam around the house re-arranging furniture, painting the living room in the middle of the night, or cutting out cool stuff from magazines for a future collages…all without bothering anyone or having to explain why any of it is necessary.
8. Getting to do cool projects! If I had a husband, I do not think I would have had the opportunity to chip off the old grout that was crumbling between my shower tiles and replace it with new stuff. Jake from Ace Hardware showed me what I needed for the project, a few Google searches for DIY tips, and a fun few hours (I mean days) later, it was done!
9. The ability to choose a plumber completely based on the fact that his logo is cute in the phone book. Yeah, that is lame, but it’s getting to the end of the list.
10. Number ten reason that it is better to remain single than to remarry? You never, ever risk having to sit in the Darlington County Family Court Waiting Room again. If you have ever had to sit there, you know exactly what I mean.
Yup, being single is pretty cool. Not what I imagined when I was seven years old playing with my Barbie and Ken dolls, but not bad at all.
My happily married friends, I love you all for showing me that the “other side” is great, too. Maybe one day I’ll take that leap, but for now, I am going to enjoy that closet space.
Super
That was excellent!
I do not think you will be single much longer!
SS
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