coin operated boy

That's what I am looking for. Someone to smooch.

right.

Truth is, I am so sick to death of guys that my journey towards mission work (cooler than a convent since I don' t want to be a Catholic) is closer than ever.

Yup, I am done. Or, at least done with men that decide to be needy and want to discuss our relationship... "you, bad, me, perfect" precisely during a crisis that I am going through. When normal human beings would gently offer support, not push, wait to bring up issues... I tend to attract the people that freak out when the focus isn't on them because... say, I've just returned from a stressful trip home to visit dying father? finished a grueling few weeks of the busiest work season? deal with having oldest child go off to college while still grieving father dying a 1000 miles away?

Yes, I am done with men like that. I am honestly really now getting the fact that I am not a despicable person after all ... one that that strings men around and won't commit to them... I am just choosing people that continue to drain me emotionally. I support, I smile, I help, I try hard to be there when needed... and when I am hurting, I get handed the golden platter of complaints. "You don't call, you don't come over, you don't stay with me long enough, you don't make an effort, ..... you don't... you don't." Never the list of what I do right, always what I do wrong.

Is it truly this hard? Shouldn't love be easy, and "treat others the way you want to be treated"? I am not discounting the help that these men give, for they usually do, sometimes giving so much material things to the point that you feel like your are bought. but when it comes to pushing someone to the brink of climbing the walls of stress, they rank as champions.

I give up.